


Finding a Solution

by context_please



Series: Atlantis Episode Tags / Codas [4]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Angst like wow, Atlantis is John's mum, Cameron Mitchell is a sap, Coping Mechanisms, Depression, Emotional Constipation, Episode: s03e10 The Return Part 1, Episode: s03e11 The Return Part 2, Grief, M/M, Team Nights, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 23:14:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4281678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/context_please/pseuds/context_please
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The people of the Atlantis Expedition were not ready to come back to Earth, John Sheppard least of all.</p><p>Luckily, Cam is there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding a Solution

SG-1 totally had John Sheppard’s number. Sure, he was complex, and no one else except his team actually seemed to understand him, but then, they’d underestimated the weirdness of SG-1. It was never a good thing when that happened.

But for all they understood what he was going through, they still had to figure out what the hell they were going to do about it.

See, they all had Sheppard pegged for different reasons.

Sam saw his genius – his mathematical genius. They’d heard of him becoming part scientist, but hadn’t believed it until he’d requested to do some work in the labs. Sam had eagerly leapt at the chance, and when Cam walked into her lab, Johnny Cash was playing in the background and Sam was waving excitedly at the whiteboard while John wrote out another one full of equations. They were quite a pair.

Daniel saw his knowledge and experience. He saw the logical part of John’s brain and was willing to dissect it to find out what the hell was in there. He saw John’s ability to literally speak to Ancient tech – with his brain – and his ability to apparently speak Ancient almost flawlessly. That bit was strange, Cam had thought. Apparently John had been in Atlantis, listening to her ‘song’ long enough that he’d realized it was actually in Ancient, and he’d ended up learning it from the city. Cam was pretty sure he spoke it better than Jackson did. He almost felt a little better because of it.

Teal’c saw his military prowess. Admittedly, it wasn’t as extensive as Jack’s, but he’d been at this for whole lot less than Jack had been. The Jaffa had been pretty interested to hear of Sheppard’s conquests – good and not so good. That was strange for Teal’c, but it was good to see him interested in something for once. He’d been especially impressed to hear of Sheppard’s victory over Kolya, the Genii commander who’d haunted his life since the attempted hostile takeover of Atlantis. He’d also been impressed with Sheppard after watching the video of his capture and torture.

And as for Cam, well, he’d never met Sheppard before. Of course, he’d heard of him through the Air Force – there was a surprisingly healthy gossip mill surrounding the man, run oh-so-helpfully by the Marines, and now it was flourishing – but he’d never been posted anywhere near him. From what he’d heard, that may have been a good thing. But when he’d met Sheppard the first time, the man struck him as… lonely.

 

 

 

 

 

When Cam Mitchell first met John Sheppard it was not under the best circumstances.

There was the Incoming Wormhole klaxon ringing in the background, and Cam strode up to the Control Room to watch as the Gate swirled into life.

‘Atlantis’ IDC,’ Walter announced over the speakers, and seconds after he did, there were people flooding the Gate room, wearing the greys of Atlantis. Hundreds and hundreds of people, and even more cases full of equipment. In amongst the chaos, he thought he spotted Elizabeth Weir and Doctor McKay.

Soon enough the slow trickle of people stopped, and he saw Weir glance around herself, then step to the front and sigh, tapping the radio in her ear. Her tone was commanding, and Cam began to understand why she’d been put in charge of the expedition. ‘John,’ she scolded, and it carried over the PA system into the Control Room. ‘Get in here.’

A moment later, a lone figure stepped through the Gate. Lean and skinny, with a head of gravity-defying black hair that stuck out at ridiculous angles, he turned back and stared as the wormhole dispersed.

Cam could vaguely hear Weir yelling out orders to the people left in the ‘Gate room, and the chaos of too many people, but his eyes were fixed on the figure. He was still for another moment before his shoulders slumped and he ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up even further, and continued down the ramp.

Cam followed General O’Neill to the Gate room. Three people met them there: Weir, McKay, and the man.

O’Neill appraised them, nodded greeting to McKay and Weir, and said, ‘Colonel Sheppard,’ warily.

Sheppard was handsome up close. His hair was ridiculously sexy – and what had happened to his brain lately? – and his face was angular and handsome, eyes intense.

Intense, but haunted. They seemed so desolate, so empty, that Cam felt he’d been punched in the gut.

Sheppard took a breath and said, ‘Sir,’ emotionlessly, and pushed past them, leaving the Gate room.

 

 

 

 

 

It was two days later that the SGC finally came up with their solution – reintegration.

They pushed the members of the Atlantis Expedition back into the thralls of Earth. Many members had been reported as having been unstable – reports were coming in of breakdowns and panic attacks in highly populated places.

The people of Atlantis were not ready to come back to Earth.

The Marines had been reemployed by the SGC and many were placed on Gate teams as additions to existing teams. Cam’s fellow officers had told him those Marines were always more quiet than usual.

He’d been so busy with off-world missions and another disaster with Doctor Jackson – as usual. Couldn’t that man stop being a trouble magnet, ever? – that Cam hadn’t gotten a chance to introduce himself to Sheppard like a proper man should, and his Momma didn’t raise a boy with no manners.

So Cam made his way to the office he’d been told was assigned to the man. When he reached the corridor, he was surprised to find it wasn’t empty.

Outside the door sat Major Evan Lorne, and Cam hadn’t seen him in years. He would have been glad, but Lorne looked gaunt and haunted, pale and a little shell-shocked. He was leaning with his back on the door, head resting against the wood, clearly listening for some sign of life inside.

Cam approached Lorne. They’d been on assignment together, once, and had become good friends in that time. Since then, they’d kept in contact via emails, and Cam hadn’t been surprised when Lorne had been taken in to the SGC. He was a good, smart man.

‘Hey Evan,’ he said, crouching haphazardly in front of the man.

The Major’s eyes cracked open. ‘Hi, Cam,’ he said, brightening a little. ‘Long time no see.’

‘Yeah,’ Cam said sadly, and he’d wanted to see Lorne again, but not like this. Avoiding that loaded topic, he asked, ‘Whatcha doin’?’

‘Waiting,’ was the tired reply.

Cam’s knees were telling him to sit the hell down, so he obeyed them. The scar tissue around the joints stretched and pulled; making him work to hid the grimace. Didn’t get where he was without a little sacrifice, he reckoned. Still, Cam took a second to breathe, settling himself onto the floor. He stayed silent, knowing Lorne would catch the question.

‘For Sheppard,’ Lorne clarified. ‘He won’t come out and he’s not listening to me.’ He was silent for a moment, and his lips quirked up a bit. ‘Also, my ID card can’t get through.’

Cam brandished his. ‘Mine can,’ he said, and stood up. Joints creaked in protest, threatening to seize up, and he just ignored it. He’d been running around a little too much in the past few days.

The plain blue door was the same as all the usual ones, except this one had no nameplate, just a strip of masking tape with _Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard_ scrawled over it.

Cam slipped his card in and the door opened for him, Lorne only just moving away in time.

Inside it was dark, the light from the hall illuminating a small mattress laid on the floor and bedding anywhere but it. A figure was sitting on the mattress, black hair spiked even more ridiculously than last time, lean form trembling slightly.

Cam inched forward gently, calling, ‘John?’ because saying “Sheppard” would probably break the moment.

When he received no response, he knelt beside the man on the bed and peeked around to see his face. It was expressionless, smooth, but his eyes told Cam all he needed to know. They were distant with pain, grief, and emptiness, tears escaping silently to fall over unmoving cheeks.

There was too much, and not enough. Cam knew what that was like.

Feeling for this unfamiliar man, Cam pressed against his side and gently placed his arm around Sheppard’s shoulders. The trembling increased, as if the former Chief Military Officer of the Atlantis Expedition was barely holding it together.

Cam tightened his arm and drew the man to his chest, and the floodgates opened.

 

 

 

 

Lorne watched the two men, Sheppard clutching desperately at Cam’s shirt and sobbing in quiet, hitching breaths, and backed out, closing the door behind him and sliding down it to wait.

 

 

 

 

Sheppard had been avoiding him for days.

At first Cam hadn’t understood the necessity – he’d been a perfect gentlemen, so why avoid the nice colonel? – but now everything was clear.

‘Look, it’s not that he doesn’t like you,’ Lorne told him over lunch in the mess. ‘It’s just that – emotions have never been his… _strong suit_.’

Cam was glad he hadn’t insulted Sheppard’s honour or something.

‘He doesn’t know what to do. He never lets people see him vulnerable like that.’ Lorne shrugged. ‘It’s okay; he’ll be fine tomorrow… probably.’

‘Alright,’ Cam said doubtfully.

 

 

 

 

Sure enough, the day after, he found Sheppard waiting for him in his office.

He still looked horrible – the dark smudges under his eyes more prominent than before – but there was no way in hell Cam was going to tell him that.

The moment he walked in, Sheppard turned and stared. His expression was uncertain, yet also closed-off, like he was expecting something dreadful to happen in the next five minutes.

‘Mitchell –‘ he began.

‘Look, John – can I call you John?’ Without waiting for a reply, he plowed on. ‘John, it’s alright, really. I understand.’

John stared at him for a moment before he ran a hand through his hair and his tongue darted out to wet his lips in a nervous motion. And… and that was incredibly hot.

‘Oh,’ he said, bringing Cam back to reality. ‘Thanks,’ came out, rather awkwardly. He seemed to shake himself and offered Cam a smirk. ‘Well, I guess I’ll just get back to my desk now.’ And he made it sound like they were naughty school kids.

John pushed past him, but Cam caught him on the bicep. He was met by a hazel-eyed stare, puzzlement clear in his gaze, but the motion felt comfortable. Not awkward… Right?

‘Hey,’ Cam said, ‘Why don’t you come to team night tomorrow?’

John regarded him for a moment, and a soft smile lurked at the corners of his mouth. ‘Sure,’ he said, and left Cam’s office.

 

 

 

 

When Cam went to the door, he found John.

If he was honest with himself, he’d been fairly certain John wouldn’t show up, or he’d bail at the last minute. Considering they’d only met a couple of days ago when John’s heart had been broken by a renegade group of Ancients, and he’d cried into Cam’s shoulder, Cam counted himself lucky.

Instead he just said, ‘Hey John! Come in, sit down and enjoy!’

John handed over two cartons of beer and said, ‘With that line, you’d think this place was a harem.’

Cam choked on air.

Teal’c appeared in the hall while he was doing so, and asked John, ‘Would there not be more girls in a harem, Colonel Sheppard?’

Cam almost choked again.

But luckily, John actually knew how to deal with alien senses of humor – it must have been hanging around that massive guy Ronon that had made it so.

‘Don’t I wish there was,’ Sheppard sighed humorously, ‘Hey Teal’c.’

‘Good evening, Colonel Sheppard,’ the Jaffa replied.

‘Call me John. It’s so awkward otherwise.’

Teal’c gave him the Nod-of-Solemn-Jaffa-Ness. ‘Indeed,’ he said, just as solemnly.

‘Awesome,’ John smiled, and progressed into the house. There he found the mess that was Cam’s living room, Daniel and Sam already arguing over something unimportant, and he brought one of the beer cartons with him.

‘Hey guys,’ John greeted them, and they barely gave him a glance before getting back to their argument.

Cam shrugged at him and moved to the floor, resting his back against the couch and offering John one of his own beers.

They picked up the PlayStation remotes and played Little Big Planet, and wasn’t that fucking ironic?

 

 

 

 

 

By the time they’d finished the Chinese Take Out and the entire first stage of Little Big Planet – which they’d somehow gotten into playing with Teal’c and Sam as well – SG-1 and its new friend were a little bit tipsy.

Teal’c was sober as ever, but he smiled more at him and Sheppard’s antics, and Sam was starting to giggle a bit more than normal, but he knew that only meant she’d drunk one beer. Cam was actually fine; probably having the first two beers had been okay, but the third was making him rethink the whole drinking thing tonight anyway.

No, it was Sheppard that he was worried about.

His new friend had put away five cans and was clearly not about to stop. Cam couldn’t blame the guy – all that time with no alcohol was bound to be painful, and lonely. But all that time also meant that any alcohol tolerance he’d had was blown to shit.

In other words, Sheppard was drunk.

If Cam was totally honest with himself – and he was being honest, but not _totally_ – he was glad that John hadn’t gone out to some bar, and that he could keep an eye on this person that had become his friend – his very fucking _attractive_ friend – so suddenly and effortlessly.

It was kind of scary, but Cam put it down to his gentlemanliness. He was like that.

What was also scary was the way John was opening his sixth beer and chugging a good amount of it before leaning his head back against the couch.

All of a sudden, Cam became aware that it was very silent.

And, of course, that was when Sheppard started talking.

‘You know,’ he slurred. ‘I never realized I didn’t fit in here on Earth until I went to Atlantis. Everything felt right,’ he sighed sadly, the sound lonely.

Cam would love to say he understood, that he knew what it felt like to be alone in the world, but he’d always fit in here. Always. There was something about his family that grounded him, gave him a place to belong, and he could damn well thank his Momma for that. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he wouldn’t have wanted to stay on Atlantis if he’d ever had the option. No, he would have stayed here, where he felt he belonged. All of a sudden it seemed so obvious that Sheppard hadn’t had any semblance of a good family.

John seemed to brace himself, then continued, ‘Mom didn’t really care and Dad never liked me. Joined the Air Force, he never spoke to me again. But I don’t care; he was barely a father anyway… No, my real family was on Atlantis.’

He took another long swig of his beer. ‘I miss Teyla,’ he said, and Cam hadn’t seen that coming. Lorne had told him Sheppard avoided talking about his feelings like the plague, so maybe he shouldn’t have been surprised that as a drunk he’d want to.

‘I miss her,’ he repeated, ‘I miss the way she listens to me, how she always knows exactly what to say and when to say it. Her silent strength. The way she takes care of us like we’re her brothers. I miss her beating me up.’

A long sigh, and Cam was certain that he’d never heard Sheppard talk this much, and maybe even Lorne would have been surprised by this turn of events. But then again, the guy lived in Pegasus, so maybe not.

‘I miss Ronon, too. How he just grunts when I’m feeling down, and I know I’m not alone. How we don’t need to talk about feelings; we already know. I miss his loyalty, his friendship. His stupid humor.

‘And I miss Rodney, that ass. I never thought I’d miss it, but the world is too silent without the constant bitching of my best friend. I miss his passion, his fire. I wish I could have gone with him.’

He was so drunk.

Sheppard fell silent, and there were tears lurking in his eyes, but when Cam was about to reach out to him, he spoke again.

‘But most of all, I miss Atlantis,’ John said brokenly. ‘The way I knew every nook and cranny of the city, how I could be alone at the touch of a button. The Puddlejumpers; how every time I piloted one, I could feel some sort of emotion in the background, like they loved me.

‘I miss how Atlantis used to hum, in the back of my head, always there, always constant, like the purring of a cat. It was always a comfort. When I was sad and alone, she would dim the lights for me; she would give me some version of Ancient sweets. She used to sing; I could hear her voice like a choir in the dark halls, in my quarters. I was her favourite son,’ he finished, and now he was breathing in hitching sobs.

Cam reached out as soon as the tears escaped, and John curled up against him, his shirt wet with salt and the stench of beer rolling off of John, but he was comfortable, strong, as the man wept in his arms, and it felt good to be able to help someone else, especially someone like John. For once, Cam wasn’t standing by idly.

Cam was barely aware of Sam, Teal’c and Daniel quietly leaving the room.

‘ _She loved me_ ,’ John sobbed into his shirt, voice small. ‘She _loved_ me, Cam. Atlantis was the first Mom I ever had.’

Cam’s heart broke that little bit more.

 

 

 

 

For SG-1, Improvised-Team-Night-Plus-One had been… enlightening.

The next day, when Cam had called the SGC to tell them SG-1 and Sheppard wouldn’t be coming in for the day, they’d had a discussion.

Sheppard was still fast asleep upstairs, sleeping off the _eight_ beers he’d consumed, and Cam had let him have his bed. It was the least he could do for his new friend. He genuinely liked Sheppard, and he wanted to keep the man as a friend, even if he couldn’t have him as something… more.

‘Alright,’ Cam exclaimed, bright and chipper as usual, even that morning. ‘Let’s get down to business. We need to find a solution.’

Sam nodded seriously, as seriously as she usually did when listening to mission briefings, so he was not entirely sure he shouldn’t be worried. Daniel was still consuming his morning coffee and Teal’c was stoic as ever, but inclined his head slightly.

‘How do we help Sheppard?’

‘It’s unlikely the expedition will return,’ Daniel said, unhelpfully, but Sam’s eyes lit up.

‘That’s right,’ she said, ‘but I have an idea.’

And that was when they came up with their solution.

 

 

 

 

 

Two days after the Team Night Cam had invited him to – coincidentally, the Team Night he had almost _no_ memory of, and the _same_ one after which he’d woken in Cam’s _bed_ – Sam asked him down to her lab for the day.

That, in itself, wasn’t overly surprising. She liked him, and he thought she was a good person and they were both geniuses… yada, yada, yada.

No, what was strange was that Daniel was there when he got there.

His first thought was a panicked, _oh, Jesus, Jackson’s going to spend the rest of my life interrogating me about Atlantis and all of her nooks and crannies_. And his second, _completely_ unbidden, thought was _ON_.

The device in Daniel’s hand instantly flared to life and started humming in a grossly inadequate imitation of Atlantis, but even that little buzz was sort of comforting in his current emotional state.

‘Is that all you wanted me for?’ he demanded bitterly, and he’d expected Sam to flinch or be hurt or… something emotional that he’d rather steer away from… but she wasn’t. She just smiled warmly at him, like she always had, and took the device from Daniel’s hand. It stopped glowing instantly, but he was more surprised when she handed him the device.

It was round, warm and smooth in his palm, and as soon as it touched his skin, it was buzzing again, glowing slightly from within, emanating soft blue light. He loved the feel of it in his hand, how familiar it was, almost like a little a taste of family, and he wished with all his heart he could keep it. Maybe then he would be more stable. He really, really wanted to keep it.

‘You can, John,’ Sam said gently, and since when had he apparently said that aloud?

Oh, well. He got to keep it.

And as soon as that thought crossed his mind, the device in his hand was becoming a metallic liquid, slithering up his palm to nestle at his wrist, making a perfect, skin-tight band. The glow dimmed, and he knew he’d be able to turn it off completely if he wanted to.

John looked up to see Daniel and Sam watching him intently, and he gave them his happiest grin. They had no idea how much this meant to him, to hear even the tiniest buzz in the back of his mind.

If he concentrated, he could almost hear the device singing about Atlantis.

 

 

 

 

 

He was in the mess with Cam when Teal’c approached him.

It was meatloaf surprise day, and he be damned if he wasn’t surprised by that taste. Yes, cooking was difficult, but these people were professionals! John never thought he’d see the day he missed Pegasus food, but at that moment, he would have killed for a few Tava beans.

He may need to go see Heightmeyer – ask her if he had gone insane this time.

Cam was telling him all about his latest fuck-up with the chieftain of a desert planet, 221 or something, and John had to admit that he and Cam probably should never ever work on a team together. Ever.

Who knows what their luck could bring? Next time, _John_ would probably end up without pants. He had the sudden urge to make sure he was still wearing some.

‘We get there,’ Cam was saying, ‘And all I say is “Howdy folks” and all of a sudden I’m getting a marriage proposal from the chieftain’s daughter, and Daniel is trying to convince the guy not to give her away. Sam’s practically giggling in the background, and I swear I saw Teal’c huff – like a laugh, huff. Can you believe that?’

John opened his mouth to answer, but Cam just plowed on anyway, and it was at times like this that the Colonel reminded him so much of Rodney.

‘I couldn’t either,’ Cam said. ‘So I’m trying to actually get my brain to think of something intelligent to say and –‘

Teal’c sat down next to John, placing his tray on the table and greeting them in his usual manner. ‘Colonel Mitchell,’ he said solemnly, ‘Colonel Sheppard.’

Cam greeted him with a cheery ‘Hey!’

John turned to him and saluted the man with his spoon. ‘What’s up, big guy?’ he asked.

‘I believe what is ‘up’, Colonel Sheppard, is the ceiling.’

Cam and John grinned at each other.

‘Colonel Sheppard,’ Teal’c interrupted, ‘I was wondering if you might spar with me. I have heard from many here that you are a good sparring partner.’

John laughed – honest to God laughed, and where had that come from? Cam was staring at him oddly, his own smile growing into an idiot grin, and he looked too happy.

John was still chuckling slightly by the time he answered. ‘Teal’c, I think that would be because I’m easy to beat. Teyla just enjoyed beating the crap out of me four times a week.’

Teal’c stood up, looking impossibly tall and menacing. ‘Then your skills must be adequate by now,’ he said, and dragged John up and out of his seat, towards the training room.

John could hear Cam trailing behind him, laughing. Damn that bastard; he was probably going to get a kick out of this. John hoped literally.

When they were there, John and Teal’c took off their jackets, grabbed the two handed sticks.

John was nervous – Teal’c was Jaffa. He was probably not going to come out of this, even with all of his previous ‘expertise’.

With that, the first blow came.

As if it was instinct, his hands were bringing up the sticks, blocking the hit and redirecting the next one, sending Teal’c slightly off balance.

In retaliation, he swept out the sticks, catching Teal’c’s shoulder and neck, barely coming back in time to block the next flurry of blows to his torso and hips. He was rusty, but it was all coming back to John, and while Teal’c’s strength was impressive, he was used to Teyla’s speed and Ronon’s cunning.

Teyla had once told him he was a difficult opponent because his style was unpredictable. He let all thoughts go, felt himself move in that unique rhythm.

His hands were moving on pure instinct and feel, releasing a flurry of blows that Teal’c barely caught. He darted around the man, fast and quick, landing more and more blows until his foot connected with Teal’c’s back, catching him completely by surprise and throwing his balance out the window.

When the man rolled over, John was standing over him, sticks at his neck.

Teal’c honest-to-God grinned, and John smiled back. It felt good to beat someone else for a change.

 

 

 

 

 

However long it had been, Cam saw a change in John Sheppard. He was assigned his own Gate Team – a pathetic one, Sheppard had whined, but it was a Team nonetheless. He’d recovered from his intense depression, made new friends, called McKay an insane amount of times, and claimed to have made a thousand paper planes.

Sheppard was approaching O’Neill’s record on that one.

Cam barely even called him Sheppard anymore. They were friends, close friends, and there was just something inherently strong about John that drew Cam in – the man was a mystery, but that didn’t mean a solution couldn’t be found.

He was brighter now. The Ancient device was always with him, usually in the form of a wrist band, but sometimes as a torc-like band that sat on top of his bicep and beneath his shoulder. Cam liked it the most like that. John said if he listened the device sang about Atlantis, and when he told Cam, there was something like a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

John was so good at beating Teal’c, they had made sparring a regular occurrence. John himself had been shocked at how much he’d progressed, and he’d told Teal’c Teyla had taught him speed, not strength. SG-1 had to admit that was the best way to go with Sheppard. (The guy could _eat_ , and still be lanky. Cam liked that.) The Marines from Atlantis had individually told Cam how good it was to see John sparring again, and before he knew it, Lorne and Cadman had basically made it a stage-show by inviting the Atlantis Marines. They loved it. All they needed was dinner and it would have sold out all over the base. As usual, John had been completely unbothered by it, so every morning at ten they would arrive to an audience. Cam thought Sheppard secretly loved the attention.

Team Nights were great – sometimes even O’Neill would come along, and Cam couldn’t argue with him; he was the fucking _progenitor_ of the Stargate Program – and every time John attended, too. At first, Cam had figured it was the free beer, but when he’d made a joke about it, Sheppard had given him an intense stare and said, ‘You know why I’m here,’ and Cam totally didn’t, but he went along with it anyway. If Cam asked, John was always there, without fail. Cam was almost amused to see his deep-seated loyalty emerge in his civilian life, but then he understood why John’s old Marines basically worshipped him. They couldn’t have chosen anyone more human – and Cam secretly thought that was part of the reason they loved him so much.

But, over time, Cam only found John’s complexity fascinating, his beauty dazzling and his smile enlightening. The whole situation was one massive cliché, but it didn’t really matter. He could see so clearly why Atlantis would love John, someone so selfless and loyal to her, like the most wonderful son. And he could see how much John loved her. Atlantis was the mother he’d never had.

But he liked John. A lot. He liked that the city loved him, how his Marines always talked as if he was the best man in two galaxies. He liked how John could just be himself, and how he made everyone fall a little bit for him without even noticing. And he didn’t know that, but to Cam it was better that way. He could just be a friend, like John needed, and maybe they could get to that when the time was right.

All Cam had to do was be there for him. And if he was a little bit in love with John Sheppard, who else needed to know?

 

 

 

 

 

Cam was at the SGC.

It was Team Night – Team Night! – and O’Neill knew not to interrupt sacred time, but he’d asked Sam to do some scientific research for him (or rather, another Gate Team, but that was semantics) and that was so rare that Sam had accepted instantly. Cam had grumbled, but he knew if the General had asked, it had to be pretty fucking important.

So they’d decided to have a Team Lunch – and that just sounded wrong, _Team Lunch_ – instead, which Daniel and Teal’c came to as well.

John hadn’t been there – he’d bailed on Cam that morning, claiming he had to pick up McKay from the airport. He’d also said something about a dinner with Elizabeth and Carson.

Cam thought it was a great idea. He’d heard talk that Doctor Weir was a recluse, which seemed strange, especially for her. The more he thought about it, the more he realized she’d probably been like John, depressed and empty, even without the motherly bond of the city. He thought about losing his Momma, and he could understand what they’d been through.

So there Cam was, wandering the halls of the SGC out of sheer boredom – he’d already finished the paperwork he’d come for – and finding it bored him even more. He was seriously contemplating staying on-base for the night.

Which was exactly when he saw a flurry of activity down the hall, and voices drifted towards him. Down the end of the corridor, a group of people was fast approaching, and he waited for them to arrive.

It was John, crossing the end of Cam’s corridor, gun first, TAC vest strapped, pistol at the ready and scientists trailing behind him. Even from the side, Cam could see his face was alive, determined, burning with barely suppressed fire.

When John turned his head toward Cam, he didn’t try to hide, and his friend’s face hardened when he saw Cam.

The glare was clearly a _you can’t stop me, so you have to let me go_ stare, and Cam held his eyes for a few more seconds before nodding slightly, seeing a smile appear on John’s lips, one of the few genuine ones Cam had seen.

Cam smiled sadly back, lifted his hand and gave a small wave.

John winked at him – honest to God _winked_! – and gestured to McKay, Weir and Beckett, leading them down his corridor to what Cam knew had to be the Puddlejumper bay.

Turning around, Cam paused a moment before he smiled to himself, hands in his pockets, whistling cheerily as he walked down the hall.

John Sheppard might be gone now, but Cam would definitely see him again, and next time it would be when he’d gotten his life back; when he was whole again.

Maybe then he’d visit Atlantis.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I have a weakness for Cam/John fics. I love the two of them together (which might be helped by the fact that Ben Browder and Joe Flanigan are among my favourite actors), and The Return hurts so good.
> 
> Wrote this back in May of 2013... wow, my recent writing is not seeing the light of day :D


End file.
